This idea came to me a couple of weeks ago but I didn’t finish the post till now.
What’s the opposite of a bucket list? Is that a thing?
I first started feeling really sick in July of 2016. That’s when I was stuck in bed with mystery belly ache for two days. Since then I’ve been running on pride and stubbornness. Mostly stubbornness. It’s made me feel down. I’ve worked really hard at keeping my spirits up. I recently learned of this yogic concept called pratipaksa bhavana.
“When disturbed by negative thoughts, opposite [positive] ones should be thought of.”
The idea is that you replace a negative feeling with a positive ones. You can change your train of thought for example if you’re feeling hurt by someone you can spend time with someone who loves and cares for you. You can also change your location. So instead of focusing on all the things going wrong in my life wrong now I would like to focus on past accomplishments.
I’m having a colonoscopy on Friday which means a bowel prep on Thursday and my period is early. This is creating anxiety. I’m not anxious about the actual procedure. I’m having a hard time getting a ride from the hospital. I’ve asked several people and it’s starting to take a toll. I actually have insomnia tonight (Wednesday).
Times like this I start to think that this is not what my life is like and that I haven’t done what I wanted to in life. This can spiral out of control easily because I have spent a lot of time stuck in bed. To take my mind off it I’m going to make a list of things I’ve accomplished in life. I’m going to call it a brag list.
- MY MOM LOVES ME. I know that not everyone gets unconditional love from their parents. I’ve always had my mom. She is he only reason I haven’t given up hope.
- I HAVEN’T BEEN TO EUROPE, AUSTRALIA or CALIFORNIA BUT I’VE TRAVELED A LOT. Here’s where I’ve been: Trinidad, Barbados, Connecticut, New York, Delaware, Virginia, New Jersey, Seattle, Alaska, South Carolina, Bermuda, Boston, Rhode Island, Vermont, Oregon, Puerto Rico, Maryland, Michigan, Ohio, North Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Pennsylvania, Washington DC, New Hampshire, Maine, Wisconsin, Texas, Chicago. Not too shabby for a poor country girl from a small island.
- I WENT TO ONE OF THE BEST COLLEGES IN THE WORLD. Over 5000 applied 312 were offered positions, 310 showed up 236 graduated and I was one of about 30 to graduate with high honors.
- I HAVE A GRADUATE DEGREE. I got a fellowship to go to graduate school immediately after college. Looking back I may have applied for the PHd program at Columbia but at the time I just could not commit to so many more years of schooling. In the end I have to accept that this is the path my life was meant to take.
- I LIVED AND WORKED IN NYC FOR 1 YEAR. I really loved my job in NYC. I had a really great year.
- I have great friends. I may not have lots of friends but I have friends who really do care about me
- I’ve known love.
- I WON YOUNG ENTREPRENEUR OF THE YEAR.
- I AM LIVING MY DREAM. Not many people get to do what they love. I am immensely grateful for being able to teach yoga and live in St Lucia.
What are some of the things that you are most prod of?